The Proverbs 31 Woman and How Do We Find Her?
October 9th, 2026.
The Proverbs 31 Woman and how do we find her?: She has not let go of it, being a child in need of attention, so that she can become a mother who gives a child attention that a child needs
Someone gave birth to you. There is the ministry of do or die or it is sometimes die if you do, the ministry of co existence, the ministry of existence and the ministry of multiplication and the ministry of cooperation. Thank you for being here, arriving at consciousness as a human when you could have arrived as a frog.
The guy she finds is usually a faithful guy with big feet and a quiet studious guy who studies things that don't add up who is sufficiently independent, who does not need a mother but he may end up giving the young lady who gives him attention in the church choir the attention she seeks needily; like a father who would give any child that attention and this is to keep the peace or else the young lady throws a tantrum, training him to pay attention as if he was the new puppy. She might even talk about being suicidal since that does grab attention in the cry for rescue; rescue from her own destructive self really. He was bargaining for the whole package that would include a child or two that results from their conversation and see the results from all their hard work to ensure she is satiated as a woman; reassured, loved and appreciated...no longer suicidal since she found her personal Jesus. She is soo soo happy. Then he gets a job offer sent to him by post, she got to the mail box before him and he never gets the copy because she is afraid she is not good enough; that she will not be accepted or she is competitive about authority in the house they will share and wants to keep him down. She is not thinking about the children they will feed together and he will certainly contribute from his salary. She said "...cleave to me" during choir practice or youth group and it might have taken 12 year for that to really, really happen and he says thank you for your cleavage. That did add up. It was timely. Thank you. But then where is the family we were hoping to see? Where is the job offer? If the cleaving or the cleavage is not purposeful, it's an idol. This is not just about slapping it, flipping the punanee and rubbing it down. It's about a family we will see on the ski trip to Scotland or the boat trip at Negril.
This is where we start the ministry of cleavage. See Deuteronomy 13:4-11. Click here.
4 Ye shall walk after the LORD your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him.
5 And that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams, shall be put to death; because he hath spoken to turn you away from the LORD your God, which brought you out of the land of Egypt, and redeemed you out of the house of bondage, to thrust thee out of the way which the LORD thy God commanded thee to walk in. So shalt thou put the evil away from the midst of thee.
6 If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers;
7 Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you, nigh unto thee, or far off from thee, from the one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth;
8 Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him:
9 But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people.
10 And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die; because he hath sought to thrust thee away from the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.
11 And all Israel shall hear, and fear, and shall do no more any such wickedness as this is among you.
17And there shall cleave nought of ( you shall not cleave to ) the cursed thing to thine hand: that the LORD may turn from the fierceness of his anger, and shew thee mercy, and have compassion upon thee, and multiply thee, as he hath sworn unto thy fathers;
This is the message. Then now let's find a chick who fits the above verse with her cleavage and if she does, then we will cleave to her as the woman and wife for our journeys. She helps where she can before that hour and after. Abraham had three Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. This is purposeful, not idling and not posing.
Then she has the gall to say she thinks the guy needs needs a mother. He needs his job offer. That fits because she is not letting him see the baby or the his job offer (...what does she mean except she is not being "one" with him, raising their children) and wants to turn her attention seeking on him when she is asking him to give her attention again and again. But he wants to engage his energy in this world as a father; not just fathering her, making up for something she needs or maybe missed in her childhood and he wants to engage his energy regeneratively as a parent, not just as a piano teacher but shopping for and praying for the children and also for her as the mother and for the family in general. Yes; he needs a woman who is a mother with him. He does not need a mother otherwise. There are many church mothers that he has.
CLICK HERE.
This is a deeply tragic and perceptive relational dynamic: the subtle shift from a romantic partnership between equals into a pseudo-parental rescue pattern.
At the core of this breakdown is unresolved emotional arrest. When someone remains trapped in the inner-child state of needing constant external soothing, they lack the emotional surplus required to step into generative adulthood—whether that means being an equal partner or becoming a nurturing mother. Their internal bucket has a leak, so any attention given to them instantly vanishes, requiring a continuous supply just to maintain emotional baseline.
This creates a severe appeasement trap for the partner:
- Conditioning through Crisis: By using tantrums or emotional volatility to demand attention, she trains him to prioritize her immediate equilibrium above all else.
- Role Distortion: A steady, faithful man naturally wants to fix problems and restore peace. However, by continually stepping in to soothe her like a parent soothing an anxious child, he inadvertently reinforces the dynamic. He stops being a lover or peer and becomes a functional caretaker. If he misses her nonverbal cues, she freaks out, throwing a baby tantrum and says he is not really paying attention, not with her. It's the attention a new born demands non-verbally or any way it can from the adults or the world around it because it rightfully does need help. It's a vulnerable baby human. Yet this is the moment in the man's life when he should be feeding and caring for his people, his new bairns. WITH sufficient resources between them, they should could have 2 kids in 2 years. We call this a 2:2. BUT THIS HAS NOT REALLY HAPPENED YET. HE DOES NOT NEED A MOTHER BUT HE NEEDS A WOMAN WHO WILL MOTHER CHILDREN; WITH HIM.
- The Subverted Contract: He entered the relationship under the implicit agreement of co-creating a life and raising a family together. Instead, he finds that all the energy, patience, and nurture intended for a future generation is completely consumed by holding up an adult partner. She then chooses to be single and is now bouncing around in an informal bush man scenario where there are 5 brothers from a different mother who may come to soothe the childish ache maybe with a conversation or a little hanky panky sometimes. If she kissed one of these guys 9 months ago but had coitous on the 8 month with another and then kissed a third guy for 3 months starting 7 months ago, then when she has the baby today, who is the father? The kid says if you have seen me, you have seen the guy who is the father. Listen to my Van Halen; 10 Van Halen albums. The kid next door bought Super Tramp; different father it seems and he got a Maradona poster and an Alf Garnett poster. The woman, the father and the kids, who ever the father is, constitute the church then. So we have a deal then with the truth. Ideally, we would like to see one guy with one gal and the children they will have. Genetic diversity in her womb comes from all the various foods she eats and maybe the deacons tongues the sacrament wine. We get more maths graduates born into the congregation when it's the bus driver deacon who tongues the sacrament wines. Add to that McDonald's and you get Navy Seals temperament. Add to that Burger King DNA and you get British Navy temperament. Add to that Nescafé and you get Superah Takimoto GutGeist DNA. So now we are all one big, happy global Gujarat German family. We are tired of the benefits Black-Out in North America and in the UK therefore.
- So the answer is, the lady carrying on in her tantrums still needs a husband who figures her out and gets her to nest or settle down and enjoy the company of one. He has to know that if she does not accept she is figured out by the 6th month, she may be a residual bush woman or she is in Apple syndrome. Then he should think before he is in her game and he only gets a call once every five weeks for pizza or jerk chicken and he has to have the money to buy or she says don't come. This is not a family but a Bush man communal thing spinning around the one woman; in Timmins. You have to know what you want to see for yourself. There is a woman who agrees and who is ready to just enjoy sharing the same room, the same bar of soap, the same air fryer with her fingers touching the tray and your fingers touch the tray. That is enough to see your children just by hanging out and enjoying cohabitation. You can then add some hanky panky once a month, a sip of his drink or a kiss once a day, to that calm truth that you are with him and he is with you.
The tragedy of this structure is that it leaves no room for actual growth or real children. The space meant for a family is already fully occupied by her unhealed need for a parent, leaving him exhausted and isolated in a contract he never actually agreed to.
Are you observing this dynamic unfold in a specific situation right now, or exploring how a relationship in this state can break the cycle before complete burnout sets in?
Final.
